Cum Grano Salis: A Bit Pretentiously: Graduation with Gusto

Yesterday, I graduated. Unlike my previous two graduations, this one felt final somehow. Maybe it's because I'm moving away from Logan soon, making a clean break from my life for the last eight years. Maybe it's because I'm not going back to school in the near future, possibly ever. Whatever the reason, as I sat in the car with the sun already making sweat bead on my forehead, I felt nervous. Neal laughed at my anxiety, "there is literally nothing you have to do but follow the crowd." He was right, of course. My college was last in the lineup. We waited forever taking haphazard selfies in billowing black polyester robes. I finally told some colleagues I was pregnant. I blessed my decision to wear flats even if they were more worn out than the formality suggested I wear.

Finally, we began the walk out of the fieldhouse, down the main street on campus. People I didn't know lined the street cheering. We struggled to stay somewhat single file to guarantee we'd sit next to each other. I wondered what graduation would have felt like in the days before synthetic fabrics. I wished my hair was off my neck and my curls weren't so limp. Bagpipes played in the background, making me feel more regal than I'm sure my stickiness warranted. We did a slow robot jig to the music. We came in last to the spectrum filled with people. I'd forgotten to ask where my family might sit. Neal's red hair didn't help him stand out enough in seats for me to find. It was my father's Vulcan hand wave that caught my attention in the end.

As far as graduations go, it was among the most dull. No speakers, no special events. Just name after name read and diploma covers handed with a smile. We took more selfies of how bored we were. I begged a tissue from a woman I didn't know behind me. I ate a granola bar and yearned for cold water. When everyone else had gone, we stood. Two professors I didn't know placed the hood around my neck. My name sounded from the microphone. I shook President Albrecht's hand then Dean Allen's. Dean Allen recognized me and the moment felt special. That was it. My entire education finished. A few snapshots later I wanted all my official regalia off.

There are some parts of my graduate career that I regret. I wish I'd been better friends with some professors, that I'd stressed less and enjoyed the process more, that I'd taken that folklore course or this literature course. But in reality, it's been wonderful. Every penny spent on this degree has been well spent because I am better than before. I've learned some things I'm good at and some things I still need to work on. I found a place where I could be happy and help other people and make a living.

And I'm leaving it behind for now.

I add the 'for now' because I don't know what the future holds. My goals are diverse and ambitious. But this is the first time where I truly feel like I'm leaving something behind. My education will be from a different perspective as I stop school, stop my job, and start motherhood. It's still a ways off (but not too far, I'm at 17 weeks guys!), but as the youngest of seven children, I feel like I've got a lot to learn.

For all those who came to celebrate with me, thank you. For all those who will celebrate with me in the near future, thank you. I couldn't have finished without you. And I couldn't make this step to a new world without you either. You inspire me with your diverse experiences and perspectives. And in some ways, I feel like I've been on a long journey where I was a second rate letter writer, only staying in touch when I stopped to rest. The journey was worth it though. I'm back now. Or rather, I'm starting a new journey.

And you're invited.

Instead of eating year old cake, Neal and I ate cucumber sandwiches in celebration of our anniversary. We served them at the reception, in case you didn't know.