Dead Week

I've been meaning to write a new post for a while now. Since I know that my blog really only reaches a select few, I considered just holding back on my stories for the week so I could really give you a great post. For Neal and Mom, sorry, you got the stories already.

During most of the semester, today's plan was to be the biggest celebration every. You see, I was supposed to have defended my thesis yesterday, passed with brilliance, finished my biggest work project, turned in my final coursework, and turned in grades for my own teaching.

It didn't happen.

...

The ellipses were a sign that I was sighing and sort of crying a bit on the inside.

If I am really honest with myself, I am pretty bummed out. I don't want to pay more tuition or have several more intense weeks worth of research and writing. I want to graduate, dang it! One reason this is such a big deal to me is because it's the first time I have really felt like I accomplished anything of merit scholastically. You see, I always knew I would graduate from high school and college. I did well, I lived for the learning experiences. My grades (and social life) reflected my priorities well. Sure, I did some extra work during my undergraduate experience, but by the time I graduated, I was one week away from graduate school and just plain tired. I knew I had to change something about my educational outlook.

So my first degree didn't really feel like much of an accomplishment. It was just a checkpoint on the way to grad school. When I began my Master's degree, I decided I needed to be more well rounded, which included sleeping more, spending time with friends more, and treating school more like a job than a life choice. It changed me. Heck, it's part of the reason I got married (because, you know, I made to be with Neal). I'm no longer a scholastic over achiever. At least not like I used to be. It doesn't mean I'm less stressed. Any of you who know me well, know that I'm always stressed.

But because I took a little less time with my schooling, now I have to take a little more time with my schooling. I don't regret my decisions leading here, but I'm more tired than I'd imagined I could be. For the last two days since I finished teaching for the semester I've just slept, eaten cheese sandwiches, and fluctuated between White Collar and Farscape television. No dishes, no real cooking, nada. And today I can't help but wonder how it will feel when I'm really done.

I hope that the exhaustion isn't so overwhelming that I can't really see the benefits of my years of effort. Funny thing is, in many ways I still won't feel done. The Bowden family standard for educational excellence is set pretty high (I know, I know, they don't expect that of me). The real issue here is that I love learning. I always have and I always will. But I think perhaps I'm ready for a different kind of learning than my coursework offers. I'm not really sure what that is yet, but soon I will find out.

And heck, when I really graduate peeps, we're having a party. A big one. I may even dress up. I may even pay for expensive robes so I can be hooded. I hope you'll come to the ridiculously long ceremony, even though I didn't give two cents if you came to my high school or undergrad one. I hope you'll throw flowers at my feet and give three cheers for me. Most of all, I hope that I will be able to take joy in that moment.

Okay, that should be the end of my post, but since it's been so long since I posted last, I have more stuff to say. So, here are the stories of the week.

Neal and I have had this mini competition going recently. In case you hadn't heard, we were trying to see how long we could go without turning on the furnace. The mornings have been colder and colder. When I work at home, I bundle up in blankets. I wash dishes or cook casseroles or do laundry to keep the temperature up. This week I got up and could see my breath inside the house. All the windows were iced over. I tried our space heater to get my working area to a respectable temperature, but to no avail. I texted Neal because I found it so funny that our thermometer said it was 38 degrees F in the house. And then we finally decided to give in. We turned the furnace on. Well, sort of. We turned the thermostat down to the lowest it will go, somewhere below sixty, and then turned it on. I don't know if Neal and I just adjusted to a really cold house, but it feels great. I can't imagine turning up the heat to sixty even. There you go, if you ever want to take the challenge, talk to us. We know the tricks.

This week was also the last day of teaching for me. I promised my students early in the semester that we'd have delicious food the last day. It was a bit more of a fiasco than I'd anticipated. I began the day before with some muffins. My friend Rinda shared a family recipe for Brown Sugar Muffins and I've already made them a few times. I whipped up a double batch and let them heat the house (it was pre-furnace stage). As they baked I made a terrible realization. In my haste to bake and my efforts to be impressive in adding ingredients with finesse, I forgot the vanilla. Those muffins were not the best. I made another double batch, but still had to bring some of the more bland ones to class.

My second portion of the meal was a hashbrown and egg casserole. Originally, I intended on getting up at about four to make sure it was ready in time for Neal to drop me off on campus when he left for school. One of my assistants offered me a ride, so I slept in. A bit too late actually. I got the casserole in about twenty minutes late and with only ten more minutes before she'd arrive it was still runny. Panicked, I turned the temperature up another 25 degrees, then another. Luckily, it finished in time, but I was sweating a bit there. So, with muffins, casseroles, chocolate milk, jams, and freshly mixed juice, I was on my way. A few blocks from the parking lost my assistant went over a small bump, my fingers slipped, and the huge pitcher of orange juice fell over. It only took a second for the three quarts to glide out and form a very citrus puddle for my galoshes. I felt terrible for getting her car messy (luckily she has plastic mats which held the water nicely), but even more terrible for wasting all that delicious juice. I mean, really, it would have been so refreshing! With my three assistants help we made it up Old Main Hill with the remaining food, lucky since it was the coldest and iciest day this week.

So, that's it folks. For university students, this week is usually called 'dead week.' It's the week when you just fall over dead from all the work you have left and all the study time you need for finals. I may not be graduated yet, but this week sure has been full of many seeming lasts, at least for a while. My last class as a student and my last class as a teacher at USU. It's a little scary looking ahead to the world of possibilities. As Neal and I figure out when we should move a bit more south and I figure out my thesis, my job, and my future plans it's weird to realize that I'm so close to the end of something. I won't jump ahead yet though, I've still got a lot of work ahead of me: miles to go before I rest.

Snow in the Morning

Can you believe November is in full swing? I swear we just celebrated Halloween. Time moves way to fast for me nowadays. Well, I guess it's nice in some ways. You see, I'm so anxious for school to be out that I don't sleep most nights anymore. I just sort of rest in small bits between stress-out sessions. On the other hand, I have much to accomplish before the end of this month and it's getting down to the wire. My proposal is officially in to my committee now (yay times a million), but no word as to when I'll defend or when I can defend my thesis...or if the draft I sent my adviser was any good. The main trouble is that I feel like the writing has been such a solitary task, and so I'm never really sure if it's good or if I'm just tired of writing. but whether or not I officially graduate this semester or next, the idea of graduation is real now. I know I will make it through this experience called graduate school. 

But for this last month I'm spending a lot of time in my office. It's not as cozy as I'd like it to be because most of the time it's been overtaken with the chaos of research. But these are some of the images I see the most:

The candy that's supposed to be for my students, but on really long days just goes to me. Also, why are there never enough pink Dots? They are the most delicious by far. 

The skylight over my office mate's desk. It helps me tell whether it's day or night. You can't actually see the sky, but it does make the room less gloomy.

Books! This is the stack I reference the most frequently. And so many more articles. Also, I realize there are two of the same book there...a mistake in ordering online, oops.

The carpet and my feet. My feet get cold a lot so I sometimes put on my office slippers, which are not pictured here.

The dots on the ceiling I begin to count when I'm already going crazy. Also that box keeps the cold air from blowing directly on me. Hey, it's a system that works. 

Really, I didn't mean to write for so long about school. New topic, promise. 

Neal and I have been trying to cook together more often, instead of going out. I remember now how I love to cook and how I don't have to cook gourmet all the time. Sometimes Ramen or Spaghettios is acceptable. It certainly takes less time and creates less of a mess to clean up. All around Neal and I are simplifying. The tv finally kicked the bucket. It was taking longer and longer to turn on and one day I turned it on at 1:30 and by 5 it still hadn't 'warmed up' so we just gave up. Now we watch on out laptop, and we watch less television altogether. We wanted to spend less time with tv, so I guess this was a grand opportunity to make that happen sooner rather than later. 

None of these thoughts really fit together today. But there was a reason I wanted to blog today. It was because I woke up with Neal at five and decided I wasn't going to campus today. So I went back to bed. Well, sort of. I sneezed for a half an hour. It's this strange new habit I've taken up. For the last few months every morning I have to sneeze as soon as I wake up. Not just once, but several times. This morning it was snowing, not exactly allergy season, but still the sneezes come. As soon as I get about four out of my system I'm usually fine for the rest of the day. Weird, I know. But also hilarious. When the sneezing finally settled down Neal was about to leave and let me know it was snowing! 

Now I'm no winter fanatic. I guess I'm just more of a seasons fanatic. Each time there's a change in the way the breeze feels or the sound of crunchy leaves under my feet, I just get excited. this morning's snow was one of the first, and the first I really got the enjoy from home. So I started the day with some dishes to warm the house up...and because there were a lot of dishes. The steamy water really made the place feel homey. Then I made some cider and sat on the porch watching the snow fall while reading the scriptures. It was early enough for silence and the snow actually made it warmer than the last few mornings. 

It was peaceful.

That's a big deal, because so little of life has felt peaceful as of late. Too many deadlines and responsibilities have filled my hours and minutes. Even when I try to relax I've felt guilty for doing something other than homework. This morning was the exception. For those few minutes, I just breathed in the steamy smell of apples and listened to softly falling snow. Just writing about it makes me miss that moment. But if I can find those kinds of moments, then I know life is alright. I'm going to be okay. 

This morning, much later than my morning reading, but still beautiful. I had to just enjoy it some more through my front window and play, yes, Christmas songs, on the piano. Hey, if I'm 'practicing' it's totally acceptable.

Halloween and other Scary Stories

I really need to start taking pictures again. My phone was my inspiration. Now all I've got is my brain, which lately has trouble keeping up. There have been major changes in the Whitlock household lately.

1. We moved our only living room chairs so we can look out the window and at the television at the same time.
2. The tv now takes about 20 minutes to turn on. Poor feller is gonna kick the bucket soon.
3. I wore makeup for the first time in over a month. This is especially funny since it was just to stake conference, where no one even saw me because it was a broadcast. Hey, I put on makeup when I want to!
4. Neal and I realized that cooking together really was fun and began making an effort to do so again (with delicious results, I may add).

So when I said major changes, I really meant minuscule ones that make a big difference to me.

Since before we were even married, I have been planning different awesome couple Halloween costumes for this year. Unfortunately, my planning stayed entirely on paper, which means that a couple weeks before the date, Neal and I defaulted to Inspector Space Time and Constable Reggie as depicted by Troy and Abed from Community. How's that for an incredibly obscure reference? We gathered the necessary constable costume and a robe and bowler hat. And then we just didn't dress up. You have to understand. At five in the morning, putting on 'real people' clothing is already a stretch for me sometimes. So instead Neal wore a sort of orange shirt and I wore my orange dress with black leggings. I tried to put on some costume makeup (it doesn't count as real makeup, okay) but it just made me look more haggard than normal.

We did, however, have some friends over to celebrate the holiday. We ate some award-winning chili (based on results from 2012 Bowden Family dutch oven cook off) and cornbread. We watched the ever classic film Blackbeard's Ghost. If you haven't seen it, by the way, it is definitely worth the time to find a copy. I want to be amazing like those aged "daughters of the buccaneers" someday. There was one hitch in the plan. I forgot to buy candy for trick or treaters. Well, I remember three days before but Neal was concerned we would just eat it all. I saw some children down the street coming my way and had a mini heart attack. What does one do when there is no candy to be found in the house? They had already seen me through the window! I scrambled and found two options: two ring pops of unknown age (they don't go bad, they're sugar!) and several Kool-aid packages. Yah, pretty wretched pickings. Luckily, they didn't actually stop, but after the second scare I made a friend bring some over as part of her party contribution. In the end we only got a few, but the robot dance from a darling neighbor made my night.

So now, Happy November! This is one of my favorite times of the year. It isn't yet Christmas season full on, but since I am a musician I can begin singing and playing Christmas songs on the piano as "practice." It doesn't even matter that I no longer perform in choirs...I don't skip to Christmas, no way, I just enjoy it for longer.

In truth, I love the way a month of thanksgiving coincides with the most stressful month of the semester. Just when I think school is going to turn me into an insomniac sugar addict, I see an influx of gratitude on via social media. My mother always encouraged us to celebrate Thanksgiving, so I continue the tradition with a thankful chart. I usually gather autumn leaves, but the early snow means my chart may be more freestyle decor this year. And when I wake up at three (as I have consistently for the last two weeks) I will try to see the joy. I mean, I am grateful that I have a cozy bed and we have a bedside table which holds my water bottle so well. That way I'm never too parched.

Well, that's all for this Sunday evening folks. I promise I'll take some pictures before I post next time. Those pictures really keep me on track.

Time

Today marks exactly six months since Neal and I were married. Part of me hardly believes it's been that long already, and the other part feels like we've just always been together. My life married to Neal is blissful. Of course I knew it would be, which is why I married him in the first place! So, here's a shout out to my handsome bearded husband. :)

Don't you just love the time of year when the air snaps at you and the sunlight comes in streams through falling leaves? As Neal and I walked to and from church today, we kicked the mounds of leaves fallen from a particularly large Cottonwood tree down the street. I'm tempted to join the kids in raking them up and jumping in them. The brittle bits of gold make me feel so...old, or experienced. They mark the passing of time for me. In many ways this feeling of nostalgia is good for me. It makes me hold tightly to the things I love the most. I feel more grateful for a cup of cocoa or the coziness of a blanket. I want to take advantage of what may be the last days of sunny warm afternoons. At the same time, I always feel a bit like a slacker come fall. I realize that summertime goals fell a bit short, and my house needs spring cleaning a bit early. I realize that the year is moving toward its close. And I hate saying goodbye to a good year. They are so precious to me. 

When I was a child, I remember thinking that our family song was "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel." Maybe I've already mentioned this, but I so value the lessons in work given me by my mother and father, my sisters and brothers. I was never quite as good at working as the rest of them. I just had so much relaxing and reading to do! I'm still sort of that way today. I enjoy work, but sometimes I just want to be still more. I want to breathe and think and read. I want to stroll along the gutters cluttered with leaves and just listen to them crunch. And I don't have as much time for that right now. School and work crowd out other parts of my day. Even the doing the dishes has become a task that feels like a break from the hard stuff! Anyways, I don't really have much to say except, I love autumn and I love my life. And I look forward to a time when my days feel less frantic, even if that's not til I'm dead.

To Catch Up

Fair warning, this is a very picture filled post. Neal and I have been busy for the last month. Let's see. My thesis isn't done yet (I know, surprise, surprise). I actually felt too sheepish to blog for a while because I did not want to be the girl who says stuff publicly then flakes out. But...writing a thesis is hard to do. Much harder than any of my papers previous semesters. Maybe because I haven't had a semester of directed study first? I don't know. Anyways, as of right now I have 17 pages done. Well, done-ish. I have one more section to fill in, then buckets of research to add in. Then a revision before I dare send it to my thesis chair. Then the more directed work begins (hopefully). Last week I just had Neal drop me off on campus on his way to Ogden, then pick me up on his way back to Logan. That means I spent an average of 11 hours thesis writing per day. Geez louiz. My last 17 page paper only took like, two days. I'm losing my touch. I found out that working at home was way more enjoyable, but I got so much less done. On campus I sort of want to cry, sometimes I close my office door and allow a few tears, but I actually get things done. There you go, more than you ever wanted to know about how I'm writing my thesis.

On to everything else we're accomplishing. Neal is teaching and doing a grand job. I'm not even just saying that because I'm his wife. Really. Hopefully we can move to Ogden soon so he won't have to drive two hours a day. I'll just commute once or twice a week to Logan. I keep finding these adorable houses and apartments in Ogden. Unfortunately, most are the zone of sketchiness.

Let's see, we bottled tomatoes.

Also, we bottled a mixed grape juice from Neal's dad's grapes.

Those are actually pickles...I didn't get all the pickle pictures in.

The juice is simply lovely, but very different than the classic Concord juice I'm used to. Also, processing time is crazy long. It was a good General Conference activity. 

Then, we put the garden to bed. Here are the last images from harvest time. 

 These are banana peppers that we left on the vine. They are still delicious.

The view from our balcony is so lovely.

 Our most bountiful harvest from our CSA yet!

 The herbs had to come in to be safe from cold weather.

 This gourd is like a rocket ship. Neal picked it out.

I made this stein for Neal at girl's night. And by made I mean painted and had other people glaze and fire it. 

So, other than putting the garden to bed and a wonderful girls' night, I guess mostly I have just been writing. Neal has been working. And we have been living life and loving it. Well, I guess we're both reading a lot more. I should be reading strictly academic stuff, but just can't resist a good junk food novel sometimes. I mean, come on, what better time to re-read the entire Tamora Pierce Alanna and Protector of the Small. Also, some Sherwood Smith Crown Duel and Court Duel. Also, a lot of other books which have no relevance to school whatsoever. And they're in the teen section. That's me, stealing books from teenagers. 

On to some real thoughts. The idea of 'catching up' has been on my mind lately. I have many friends and family members doing incredible things. Here are just a few: buying a house, having a baby, getting an advanced degree, parenting, taking care of other family members, running marathons, etc. etc. etc. Sometimes I wonder how I will ever catch up to how amazing they are. I know it's not a competition, but I see their amazing accomplishments and want to, well, be cool like them. Call it little sister syndrome. But last week as I watched the General Conference for the LDS church I felt a semblance of peace with my life that has been absent since this whole 'get your masters degree' thing has come up. As I bottled grape juice and cleared away the dead garden plants I felt like I was clearing away the much that's been blinding me to how much good I have and how happy I could and would feel if I'd just give myself a break. Those who know me well know that this is not a new story for me. But something about the autumn air helped me take a deep breath. 

Life is good. I am growing in ways I had never realized I could and feel more loved for who I am right now than before. So, I wish you all a happy autumn season. May you harvest peace.

My Master's Degree

My schedule may be a bit crazy this fall, but there is a redeeming quality I'd like to point out today: one scheduled event per week. That's right, I only have to go to campus on Wednesday mornings for my 7:00 am class. That also means that when I have a major stomach ache I can work from home (as long as I actually work). So today, I'm just hanging out in my living room, blogging before I really begin my daily routine. And I'm grateful.

I'm grateful for a comfortable place to live, a loving husband who leaves at six in the morning to teach high school students, the opportunity to be in graduate school and expand my horizons with new ideas, and especially for the support of God. He always helps me when life just seems to much to handle. You see, about a week ago my husband and I came up with this deal. By came up with, I mean my mother suggested it to me and Neal and I agreed it was a good idea. Because I am the world's most talented procrastinator, I had a hard deadline set. I had precisely two weeks to write my final project for school, a thirty page paper. Did I know what the heck I was writing about? No. Did I even know which texts I was going to use? No. But since every single paper for my education has been written within a two week span, I was given two weeks. At the end, I'm to send the paper to my chair and Neal and I will look over it and figure out how the heck to make it better.

That's the plan.

It's been a week now and I have a much better idea what I'm writing about and a pretty good idea of the texts. You have no idea how much effort was spent getting there (unless you've written a major project, then you know exactly how dumb challenging it is). Now I have one week to write thirty pages. Maybe that's why I've got a stomachache. The funny thing is, my committee chair hasn't even emailed me back to set up a first meeting this semester, so this whole thing is just on my own. That means it could all backfire horribly. But I've got to make significant effort because December 6th (the last day of class) is worth it. And so is every day following that day that I'd be done with graduate school for a while.

For everyone who has ever graduated from graduate school, I want to send you my personal congratulations. I had no idea how difficult it was. You deserve to makes lots of money and have trumpets hail your arrival at big events.

Although the last week (and the next) will be full of lots and lots and lots of writing I just wanted to take a moment and reflect on why I'm doing all of this. You see, I love school. I always have. Learning holds this joy for me that I don't find elsewhere in my life. When I finished high school and told my English teacher I was going to study English, she was surprised. She assumed I would study music. While I love music, I really do, I love learning even more. I saw an English degree as an opportunity to learn continuously. Really, I'm sure any major would have sufficed in that goal. My undergraduate was a bit hectic (thanks previous roommates and Mom!) to say the least. Lots of all night homework parties, doughnut runs, Dr. Thunder to keep me awake, and 4 am walks back from the computer labs after writing. Mixed in there was what one of my professors called "a chance for introspection" aka a mission (time to think on a mission, oh that makes me laugh). Somewhere in there I graduated. I don't really remember it to be honest. At the time I still had a thesis defense looming.

Two years later I am in school still. This graduation will mean more to me, not because it will make me more money (I wish) or because it means I know 'enough' now, but because there will finally be a break in school. For the first time in my adult life, I will have a different kind of learning ahead of me, one without grades and tuition. I decided to go to graduate school for a few reasons initially: 1) the Lord kindly suggested it, 2) I felt there was more USU could offer me, 3) it was a necessary step toward the PhD I someday want, and 4) it's not like there was anything else I was doing!

Here are some of the reasons I want to graduate: 1) the Lord kindly suggests it, 2) I feel like there are other aspects of life I'd like to learn about, 3) it is a necessary step toward the PhD I someday want, and 4) I have better things to do with my time now.

Additionally:
-practicing piano and voice again
-picking up my Spanish study
-having time with Neal when he is home from work
-time to work out (I know, I know, keep dreaming)
-time to spend with family and friends
-the title "Master Whitlock" :)

Also, since I've got you here. Here are some photo updates from the last week or so. Apparently, I don't just write all the time (even if I should).

A lovely bowl of beets, all earthy and fresh

Some beet juice, the pinkest thing I ever saw

Ready for pickling! Oh yah, we pickled beets. That is what this picture set is leading up to.

We got me a new bike! Woot! Now my bike a) doesn't lose its chain and brakes simultaneously, b) fits a rack that doesn't fall off, c) doesn't sound like it's going to fall apart all the time and d) makes biking to campus a dream.

This is tiny French toast from the tiny loaf pans I told you about. Isn't it cute?

Zuppa Toscana: my way. Okay, so I used a recipe, sort of, but quite enjoyed the product. Kale can be delicious!

These are cucumbers.

Now they are in bottles, ready to be pickled!

What our kitchen table looks like right now. New bike, leftover peaches, our CSA squash, green beans, peach jam, raspberry jam, peach raspberry jam, raspberry jalepeno jam, peach habanero jam, regular pickles, and mixed pickled things. Yay for the weekend!

Like a Bouquet of Freshly Sharpened Pencils

I wanted to write a post dedicated to school starting again. This is supposed to be my last first week of school of my masters. The jury is still out on whether I'll actually graduate this semester. All that aside, this is also the first semester that I'm not actually in a classroom for my classes. My two graduate courses consist of thesis credits and an online Feminist Theory course. Thank goodness I am taking an Old Testament institute course and teaching the Writing Fellow Tutoring Practicum or I'd be done for. The feel of being a room filled with desks does something for my soul.

That being said, I am already feeling super duper ready to be done. I say "done" because I mean finished with the projects which have been haunting me for several semesters, mainly my thesis. This blog is not the place to vent my frustrations about figuring out a graduate thesis so I will move on.

So far this semester, life has been ideal. I get up at give with Neal, fix breakfast and see him off. Then I get ready and bike up to campus. I'm there before 7:30. The English building is quite empty at that time. In my spacious office I try to work on three projects: work, Feminist Theory, and thesis. By three I am so ready to go. I bike down the hill, stopping at the store if I need anything for dinner. I try to accomplish one major chore per day. And I cook dinner. Then Neal and I try to relax after a full and busy day. We sleep and repeat.

So by ideal I really mean exhausting, but productive.

Today I had Neal drop me off before he left for work, which means I had an even better perspective on the English building: 6 am. Boy was it...peaceful. The more work I do for my thesis early in the morning, the more I realize that mornings for me were meant for thinking, not sleeping.

But in the afternoons, I get to do the things that feel like accomplishments because I can actually finish them, unlike teaching or learning. So, here are some of the sweet moments Neal and I have enjoyed in the last week or so. Most of these are pictures from bottling some Early Alberta peaches with Neal, my mother, sister-in-law Christina, and two of my nephews. We were at my childhood home. To really understand the incredible accomplishments of my mother, I feel it important to first point out the space she had for cooking for seven children.

Here is it, the entire floor space of the kitchen. No where else has tiling or counter space.

Some of the lovely little peaches, ready to be scalded.

My favorite tradition: for her whole canning history, my mother has used a deep fryer to scald the peaches. The best part is that I've never ever seen her use the fryer for actual frying.

I love Manuel's photo bomb in the back. But really, Isaiah was responsible for my old job: making and pouring the syrup into the bottles, cleaning the rims, and placing the lids. It still may be my favorite job!

My favorite photo of our ridiculousness.

Peaches all ready to be processed. Aren't they beautiful with that rosy center?

Some of our end results. I've tasted some already; it's a delectable experience.

This is not a peach, nor does it have peaches in it. But it's a pizza with farm fresh peppers, squash, and tomatoes; homemade Alfredo and a whole wheat crust. Plus, you get a chance to see how we Whitlocks do pizza: Star Trek style!

Stuffed squash. It's amazing. Ask me for the recipe (or find it on my Pinterest page).

And last but not least, a small batch of whole wheat bread. I like this photo because it shows that I could make two regular loaves, but I choose to make one regular, one medium, and two tiny. The tiny pans (courtesy of Kamisa) are so Neal can take tiny sandwiches to school and eat them with a melancholy face. Then, he is to say, "sandwiches were so much bigger when I was a kid". We've got it all planned out. That's how we're going to make friends with his coworkers.

Well folks, that's all for today. Kinda rambly, but that's what happens during the first week of school.

If You're Stressed, It's Fine Dining We Suggest

So I lost my camera for several weeks. Today I found it: in a random grocery sack in the spare room. Yah, that room hadn't been examined in a while. But little by little I'm bringing this apartment back to order. Tuesday I tackled the master bedroom and finally got around to hanging the decorations. Wednesday I managed some laundry. Today was the spare room. Though it's by no means a masterpiece of interior decorating, I feel like I can think when I'm in there. A plus since I may be working from the home 'office' frequently when the snow starts to fall and I'm stuck figuring out how to bike to campus or how to drive Neal's standard transmission car.

Anyways, I was looking for the camera because I wanted to take a picture (no kidding). You see, a few years ago I took a trip with my dear friends Katie, Whitni, and Rachel, to Canada. While there we stayed in Rachel's family home. I wish I could describe every detail of the restored 1940 decor. Suffice it to say, it was a lovely experience. This was during my time of no dairy, no fat, little sugar, etc. so I had packed my own farina cereal for breakfast. Each day I fixed some and put it in one of the delicate china bowls. I swear the food tasted better because it was so beautiful in the dishes.

The house, with all its restoration, was not enormously expensive in design. The dishes were mismatched china from thrift stores, with family heirlooms on the walls and simple antiques worth squat from Antique's Roadshow, but still lovely. I slept in the gable room during my stay there. Though it was suffocatingly hot and the window wouldn't open because of a gargantuous spider, the little four poster bed with down stuffing, nook and crannies, and morning sunlight made me feel just like Anne of Green Gables. I slept like a dream.

While the trip was enchanting, what really stuck with me was the feeling of it all. We spent a great deal of time just visiting with Rachel's great aunt (?) Priscilla next door. The wonderful lady sometimes couldn't remember who we were, but she was always glad to see us and visit with us. We ate delicious food made from produce provided by the local Hutterite community. We went on early morning walks in the mistiness. We went to a barn dance. And I felt so at peace during those moments.

I want to be the kind of person who has time, who makes time, to visit family and friends frequently. I want to be someone who always has room for an extra person (or several) at the dinner table. For the last...all my life I've been in school. I kept telling myself that someday school would end and I'd be able to settle down a bit. But since starting graduate school I realized that school just keeps going. From my dear married friends, stay-at-home mom friends, and working friends I realize that the crazy schedule never really lets up. So I have tried to become the kind of woman I want to be now, instead of waiting around for the graduation that never seems to come.

Now I may live in a very modern little apartment. But heck, I've got mismatched everything so I figured I might as well go for my dream. So each time Neal and I visit the Deseret Industries, I look through their dishes and find something for my collection. I know china is ridiculous. And I'm a complete klutz. But unlike formal china, this is all mismatched already and comes at a cheap price from the thrift store. So I can break as many as I like! And in the meantime, I can feel like my food is a delight to eat.

Maybe someday I'll have an actual house, with a yard and a gable and somewhere to store things. But I'm not waiting around for my fine china days.

Doesn't that just make you crave some filling creamy wheat?

The view from the gable room window

My newest edition, along with some squash, pepper, tomato pasta

Master bedroom decor (it's not really crooked, that's your imagination)

And finally, I thought I'd share another festive touch: umbrellas in homemade strawberry lemonade.